I am an engineer. Since the time I was a child I was gifted in numbers, logic, analysis, and reasoning. I am a problem solver. I spent 6 years of college studying engineering and earned two degrees. I spent 7 years in the consulting industry engineering software systems. I am now a yoga and meditation teacher, but I am still an engineer. I am just solving a different kind of problem and I have a different toolbox at my disposal.
I engineer the human mind.
I wrote my first computer program at the age of 10. A series of commands in what seemed like a foreign language that would tell the computer what I wanted it to do. IF this is input, DO this. A sequence of instructions on how to operate, how to respond to given input. Many people don’t understand the amount or complexity of programming behind any software. They just see the user interface. But behind the screen is an elaborate landscape of instructions. And if something goes wrong, someone has to get into that landscape to fix it. It can’t be fixed from the screen.
Your mind is running programs you are unaware of
The same is true for the human mind. We are all programmed. We have beliefs and instructions that are being followed behind the scenes. What we think, say, and do on the conscious level is the interface. The screen. The programming lies much deeper, in the unconscious mind. A set of instructions on how to operate in this world. IF this is input, DO this. And these instructions rule what we think, what we say, what we do, and what we create in our lives.
We take on many of these programs as part of a survival strategy. For example, if you are attacked by a dog, you will naturally back away from other dogs when you see them. IF “dog” is input, DO this – “react with fear.” The program will be laid down and you will (unconsciously) react that way each time you see a dog. It is a system designed to keep you safe and ensure your survival.
But the system can be hacked.
When people are purposefully hacked
I classify mind programming into two levels. What I call “programming proper” and what I call “everyday programming.”
Programming proper is what most people have only seen in the movies like Jason Bourne or The Manchurian Candidate.
People who are purposefully programmed to become “agents” of some kind. To perform certain tasks, usually of a dark nature. The primary means in which they are programmed is torture. Why?
Because programming is a natural response to threatened survival.
The mind is broken and then rebuilt based on what they are needed to become. I learned through this journey that this does not just happen in the movies. It happens in real life. The most famous of these mind control/mind programming initiatives is MK Ultra, conducted by the CIA. Record states that the program ended in 1964, but in reality it just went underground.
I began to have firsthand experience of “programming proper” when a woman named Kim came to me for help.
Looking to heal from a lifetime of abuse, Kim had sought help through standard psychotherapy for many years and was now exploring alternative modalities. I was working with clients using yoga-based therapy to heal the body, shift energy, and change thought patterns.
Through our work together I came to know that Kim had been part of a cult and sex trafficking ring and had been subjected to “programming proper,” specifically MK Ultra/Monarch type programming.
It began when she was 10 months old. Yes, you read that correctly. 10 months old.
The programming at this stage consisted mostly of physical torture while repeating messages such as “there is no love,” “you are not loved,” “you are bad.” The programming continued through her entire childhood. Series of physical torture, sensory deprivation, sensory overload, sleep deprivation, electrocution, and sexual abuse. Most of her programming was related to the sex trafficking. Buyers could use commands to get the behaviors they desired. IF this is input, DO this.
But there were also programs around not talking, not telling anyone about the abuse. Programs that were simply loops of negative messages regarding not having any worth, not being loved, not being able to survive outside of “the group.” And there was suicide programming. Programming that could be initiated should she become unneeded or should she leave “the group.” Programming that would literally end her life, at her own hands.
All of us are programmed, but it is possible to reverse it
Kim’s story is powerful because her programming was so severe and deliberate. But the reality is that we are all being programmed. “Everyday programming.” From birth. By our parents, our society, our culture, our religion, our schools, our media. It is, in essence, the same concept, on a smaller scale.
Our minds are filled with instructions on how to operate in the world. And these instructions become the building blocks from which we create our life. Most of these programs are created by the time we are 7 years old. And many of them are a result of some type of threat to our survival.
It may have been a threat to our physical safety, a threat to our ego identity, or a threat to our emotional security. But there is one common thread: fear.
Because programming is most easily laid down when fear is present.
These programs serve our immediate survival, but later become obstacles. We become prisoners of our own minds.
I took on a program at age 6. My parents were divorcing. My relationship with my mother had been strained from the beginning, so my father was my world. When they decided to separate my mother wanted my father to take me and she would keep my younger sister.
She didn’t want me.
I remember the conversation. It was late, I was standing in the doorway of my room in the dark. I could hear my mother yelling. I could only hear my father’s muffled voice. I didn’t know what he was saying, but I can recall the fear. The deep, deep fear. Anxiety. Worry. Questions. Looking around. Where is safe?
Then everything stopped. I just starting wishing. I started bargaining. “Take me. I will be good. Just take me.” Willing it. “Want me. Choose me.”
But he did not. And I adopted the program that I did not deserve to be cared for. That no one would take care of me, and I had to do everything for myself.
And that belief served me at the time. It gave me a framework to structure a reality that I could bear. Not feeling wanted by either of your parents is not bearable for a 6 year old. But, if I believed I deserved it–that there was something fundamentally wrong with me that caused this to happen–it became bearable.
And the solution? I would just take care of myself.
We can’t deprogram until we uncover the programs that are running
The problem is that the belief was then rooted deep in my unconscious and I was not aware of it. The instructions, the program, were hidden from my conscious mind. And into adulthood I unknowingly continued to create a life based on it.
I set up every situation, every relationship, so that I would not feel cared for. So that I would have to do everything myself.
In retrospect, it was brilliant. I did it very well.
But I was miserable. Because consciously all I wanted was to be cared for. All I wanted was someone to lighten the burden of doing it all. But the program wouldn’t allow it. And until I changed the program, the results would continue to be the same. I was a prisoner of my own mind.
When you break through the programs, what is underneath is beautiful
Finding our programs can be challenging. They are unconscious. Just like computer programs, they are hidden behind the screen. But we can use the evidence of our lives to begin to trace back.
If you want to know what programs you are running, ask yourself: “What am I continually creating (unconsciously) that I don’t (consciously) want?”
And once you have identified the program, you CAN change it. You can deprogram.
If fear is what allows you to be programmed, love is what allows you to break free. This story is a journey into love and how, through love, we have broken free.
It took 3 years, but ALL of Kim’s programming has been broken–including her suicide programming. Programming that was systematically put in by very brilliant, yet sinister, scientists. She is no longer controlled in any way. She has broken free from the prison of her mind.
And through the process of breaking her programming, I, inadvertently, began breaking mine.
That is the beauty of this story. Simply walking this journey with us will give you the opportunity to uncover your own programming and to begin breaking it.
Fear imprisoned you. Love will set you free.
Have you ever wished you could break the chains of fear and step fully into love? Shanon and Kim share their journey of healing from trauma, abuse, and programming through acceptance and love. Do you want to step out of fear? Subscribe and follow their journey.